Is love too much at this point?

Alright I'm just going to start from the beginning, this may be long but I'll try to keep it short and too the point. So one night my mom and I were invited to a birthday party, it was my mom's best friend's brothers birthday and he had a son who a little over a year older than me and me and his son had always kind of been around each other since we were babies because of the close relation. Anyways long story short, we fell for each other and to every one it seemed as if we were perfect. Yes we had our little fights here and there but they only made us stronger. But also through our relationship I went to different school than him so we only saw each other on the weekends and even then some times we didn't see each other. I feel like that was probably for the best though because abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Well then I moved and it was the summer before I'd be going to his school and then all these problems starting occurring. I wouldn't say I caused the problems but I just wanted space, I guess after being in a serious year relationship at such a young age I wanted to know what else was out there. Anyways we decided to take a break and see where that got us and of course it got us no where. Eventually school started and he decided he wanted to break up, so we did. I was extremely upset and barely went to school, eventually he realized the mistake in letting me go and wanted me back and I was all for it until I started to hear rumors about him and another girl hooking up of course I didn't want to believe it but I couldn't ignore it. I asked him about i and he didn't deny anything and told me all that had happened. I was so angry I couldn't even look at him with out wanting to punch him. All the time I had spent at home waiting for him to come around was worthless because he was out with another girl. He told me after hooking up with the girl that it made him realize what he had and what he didn't want to lose but even after the first time I kept hearing more rumors of more stuff that happened between them and so finally I just called the girl and asked her to tell me everything so once I got her story I then asked my guy and of course they had completely different stories then it just became a guessing game on who was telling the truth, who could I trust and it just became so much to handle, I mean I also had school going on and sports and even to this day I still don't know who to trust. I mean I was so hurt I wanted to make him suffer. So for the longest time I made it a goal to hurt which I accomplished and through all the stuff I put him through he still loved me and wanted to be with me. But some times I feel like if I would have just forgiven him I wouldn't be so empty but then again how do you forgive that? I want nothing more than to be with this guy but we've both hurt each other way too much and I feel like letting go will just make the both of us happpier in the end. He was my first every thing and I will always love him with everything I have. I just want opinions of this and what I should do, how I should go about this? And how to let him go completely? Sorry this is long but you needed the whole story to understand.